To 'Make it' to 34 Weeks

I have now been at Sunnybrook for about 8 weeks.  When I was first admitted, I didn't really believe, couldn't really believe, that I could be here this long and that Baby G would wait until this major milestone came.  I am so happy to be at 34 weeks because I feel safer, more secure, and relaxed.  The nurses keep telling me that I have done well.  But honestly, whenever they say that to me, I tell them that I didn't do anything special to get here and that I am just lucky to not have an emergency like so many of the other women here in the High-Risk Obstetrics unit.  That is how I feel.  Lucky to have a healthy baby.  I don't want to take away from the struggle of the other women here - who still delivered their babies early despite all their hopes for a different outcome.

I have learned to crochet and I find it very soothing and mindful. 

I even made a little wool hat that I think is very cute and perhaps Baby G will even wear it.  It's wool though so...itchy.  We'll see.  She can always wear a thin beanie under it.  That is what I do.

I am finding it more and more difficult to move around.  I am so big that I can't walk for long without getting uncomfortable, and I have been passing blood clots on again off again so I am very wary about pushing myself too far.  I have gotten greedy.  Now that I have gotten to 34 weeks, I want to get as far as I can. 

My belly is so firm because it is so full of baby!  I can feel her moving everywhere!  I will miss this so much when she is delivered.  One the other hand, once that placenta is out, I can go back to self-medication using chocolate with more impunity than I have now, and I can get my body back into shape after months and months and months of 'taking it easy'.  Taking it easy is really not my style.

I think that society needs to know what pregnancy can be like.  It is not a disease or a sickness - but rather a condition.  Sometimes it is a messy condition.  Movies portray it as humorous and awkward and it is those things.  But for those of us who end up in the hospital, we have no voice, and no identity in society.  There is no sexy movie about this journey.  It is still as if pregnancy, and especially a truly high-risk pregnancy, is a final bastion of the silence that surrounds women's health.  There is nothing gross or embarrassing here.  This is what some women (and don't forget their partners!) go through to have children. 

I am dedicating these posts in my blog to all of the women who have been through pregnancy.   And I also dedicate them to all those who have tried or who are trying, or who have lost babies, because it is all part of the same journey. 

As always, thank you for reading.

Leslie